I hate conflict.

During a business dispute where I felt let down and betrayed, I was struggling with emotions and worrying that I should be a more forceful, angry person. I was experiencing nausea, hives, even ulcers, and I just hated the whole experience. I sought expert counsel, took quiet and decisive steps, but as per my usual M.O., I wasn’t loud or noisy about any of it.

Now, society teaches us that we (particularly men) ought to be loud and aggressive, and that anything less is “cowardly.” But because these things are foreign to my nature, I was suffering a lot for a couple of weeks; I had taken the advice of wiser friends, but part of me worried that I should be yelling more and so on. What would John Wayne and the movie stars think of me now?

But then I realized something and it was like a still small voice was telling me exactly what I needed to hear.

Life will always give us what we need in a given moment.

If you need to be forceful in a situation, you’ll know and you won’t even have to think about it; to borrow a phrase from my childhood, you’ll be given the grace to be forceful. But if it’s not the right time for that kind of response, you will know, and you won’t be given that “forceful energy”. You’ll be given the “calm grace” or the “clever grace” or whatever you need in exactly that moment.

The same goes for tactfulness, for energy, for “productivity”, and so much more. Life will give you what you need, and more often than not, you know in your gut already how to handle whatever problems and situations crop up in the day without having to overthink it so much.

You don’t have to live up to those invisible voices in your head from Hollywood, or social media, or so on. You know, I used to work with seniors, and I once asked a lady who was very close to hitting her 100th birthday what her one piece of advice for life was. Without missing a beat she gave me her favorite Shakespeare quote (or close paraphrase):

“Be true to yourself, and then you cannot fail to be true to others.”

So don’t overthink it. Trust life, trust your guides, trust yourself, trust your higher self. I’ll say it again.

You will always be given exactly what you need in the moment of your need.

Until that moment, you won’t be given that special “oomph” because, frankly, you simply don’t need it right now! Trust your gut, stay true to yourself, and have faith that the more you stay in that harmony, the more your path will smooth out before you. You don’t have to beat yourself up, completely change your personality, or act in ways that make you feel dirty inside. The more you get into flow and “dance with” Life rather than fighting its every move, you’ll find yourself enjoying this bizarre ride/videogame/half-assed Matrix movie. It’s like that great quote from Stuart Wilde:

“Life was never meant to be a struggle!”*

*GENERAL NOTES: I’ve often been told that grown-ups rarely if ever need to raise their voices to get things done, that there is an inverse correlation between volume and intelligence/substance/effectiveness. I’m starting to believe it!

I also think the Amygdala is an outdated piece of this freaking machine and want a manufacturer update immediately.

Image: ©Shutterstock, used under license.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s