Life: The Videogame

Confused by the prophecy dilemma? Wondering why the Mayan apocalypse didn’t descend on schedule, why Christ is dawdling, and more? Irritated at the general state of the world with climate death and nuclear war around every corner?

Here’s what happened. Some big video game corporation bought the rights not only to Life (TM) but all subsidiary IP, including Popular Religions, Prophecies, and General Sane Courses of History. And it’s all DLC now. You gotta pay up to get the full ride as a human on earth.

Your standard experience may include severe bugginess, gigantic plot holes, an unsatisfying arc, poor character development, pandemics, orange presidents, water wars, and more.

But by choosing to be born, you are retroactively held to have consented to all terms of use and limitations. You grant full legal immunity to The Corporation (R) and its subsidiaries for any plagues, famines, existential dreads, or other anomalies. Though The Corporation (R) holds that DLC is not essential to a full, pleasant Life (TM) experience, players are STRONGLY ENCOURAGED to consider DLC as a way to enhance the experience.

Coming soon! Air ($9.99/mo.), Gravity ($11.99/mo.), Basic Human Rights ($15.99/mo) and Life Purpose [Beta] ($19.99/mo.)*

*(Just kidding. That last is vaporware).**

**[All in good fun. I enjoy a few The Corporation (R) franchises. Please don’t send corporate assassins to kill me. Please don’t sue me. I’m just trying out material.]***

***Unrelated rambling: Unbelievable how in this modern hellscape of corporate litigation people are scared of even using real companies in, say, jokes and satire?

Image: Shutterstock (Used Under License)

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